OFF_TRACK

Lately I realised, my energy and my vibe is not for everyone. I cannot be the same person for all people that cross my path. Sometimes, I am so high in my spirits that I forget where to stop. I have gone out of context so many times that I regret not being plane to what should come back. I have less acceptance of things that doesn't feel wrong to me and which is basically a red flag to myself. I am always a person who create boundaries for people around me, be it even talking to me... I always set the limitations. But now, I have realised, I need to set my boundaries as well. I need to be more silent, more productive and more in self space. For sure, that can make me vulnerable but that's okay. 

I have Armani, and still want to buy one Titan Raga and a Casio Digital... Raga because - I remember it's advertisement in the Newspaper when I was in school. And that's my favourite watch of all time. It's in my list back then. Casio because it's one of vintage looks I love, that Rose Gold Chain with Digital interface, it's a perfect mix of Old times with new age. Out of nowhere, I am just trying to fix my memory. In the hustles of life, we all forget why we started. I used to think, I'll buy these and these things when I'll earn. I am earning today but I couldn't find any diary or notes of what I wanted in life... We are more entangled into our present situations that we don't give much balance to our past and future and which is good at times... लेकिन अगर सुबह का भूला शाम को घर वापस न आए?  My simple point is - we sometimes go too much with the flow that we don't get chance to see the flood coming... I am trying to make my bucket list... It onl...

The days are gone when expressing yourself to others used to be important to let them know how you feel about them. Putting effort just to see that person happy. Making that one person the most comfortable when they are with you. To make them feel like the most beautiful person on the Earth... Yes, The days are gone... The days are gone when you crave for people's presence. When you expect someone to bring you a Masala Chai. When you want to get loved a bit less or more each day.  The days are gone when independency means not taking money from your home.  Today, I feel independent because I am writing myself. Yes, I am emotionally independent ( and might be empathetic) . I am craving for myself because for last some days, I am involved with lot of people that I couldn't get time to check on myself. I couldn't express myself to myself because I was more busy making them realize that they were important to me. In between, I missed introspecting myself.  Today I missed my ow...

I scream in poetries, laugh in sonnets, cry in acrostics, love in odes. Wait what????? This is my laptop I am writing on, not the notepad, because I know if I were writing on a notepad, I would have torn a lot of pages. I tried writing for myself after some months, and the more I pressed the keys to write, double that I pressed the backspace to delete.  Why I am writing today, and exactly what do I want to write? I neither have any questions nor answers. I am just spilling out... Spilling out some things that I want to say loud but can't do. I am living a life rather, I am breathing the breaths.  For the past some time, I am trying to communicate with some people but forgot when did I communicate with myself. When did I express myself to myself?  Sometimes when I go back to the pages I wrote, I realize what not have changed about myself.  I think it's human nature to change their surroundings when they don't feel good.  Sometimes we prefer changing the room - se...

Rarely do I come to this place to spill out everything inside me. Don't remember the exact date, yet it's been months since I wrote something over here. Maybe I wasn't considering myself to express or to think about myself.  When I sit by myself, I either try to fix things or just let go of them. A lot of mess is happening in life, nothing that I feel will finally go good, goes the way. Maybe I am not manifesting or I have stopped believing in myself.  I do believe everything will be alright, what is lacking behind is the urge to do something to see the magic happening. It's nothing like I am suffering from something or what, it's just, that I am not feeling okay with how things are happening. It usually happens in two cases, one is when you give your best and don't get the results and the second is when you want the things to happen themselves to you, and which is just getting happy building castles in the air.  I have somewhere stuck between the two. Neither I...

The ineffable enigmas of the soul wanted to come out I wrote a note mentioning you but couldn't say loud,  Coz I knew you wouldn't get, it's for you Would it make any sense even if I tell you?  You may listen, won't feel maybe I am late as always, I'll regret eventually So, I choose to express it without mentioning you Tell me, did you really get, it's for you?  It may be lame or little insane,  To write everything on this open page,  I have an ego, that must always sustain,  To hurt and say myself, Please don't try again...💔